"Green Thumb" is online, and as I said before it's probably weirder than my usual stuff.
So much so I subtitled it "A delirium".
But it's a good thing because it got me writing again with a certain ease.
So there's more stuff coming.
Soon.
Meanwhile, I hope you enjoy my delirium.
It feels kind of unfinished. Where did the flower come from, why was Theresa not more panicked at seeing her mother impaling herself on the flower, and, if she didn't think the flower had some sort of mind-control abilities, why wasn't that mentioned? Why did Francesca have a sudden urge to smoke and why was Theresa smoking with her by the end of the story - was Theresa a smoker too? Anyway, lots of unanswered questions and I wish you had provided more context. The sex scene is hot, though!
ReplyDeleteUh, ehm... it was supposed to be like that. Stuff happening without an explanation.
DeleteBut maybe I left out too much. Back to school, that's what I need to do :(
Stuff happening without an explanation is fine, but characters' behavior should make sense and be logical, even if their logic is twisted. And while Francesca's behaviour is logical, Theresa's behavior doesn't make sense: she doesn't seem surprised by the flower at all, just surprised by the fact her mother is fucking it. That part - where she comes home and sees her mother fucking a flower - needs to at least hint at what she knows about the flower, I think. On the other hand it feels like cigarette craving was just tacked on to the story. You could simply make it so Francesca was an active smoker from the beginning and her sudden need to smoke wouldn't feel so alien. The rest of the story was quite nice, though: Francesca's character is well written, the body transformation is original and what amounts to tentacle sex and alien mind control is an interesting venture.
DeleteMakes perfect sense. Thank you for the feedback.
DeleteFact is, I need to learn and be more patient. When I hit a good story idea, I want to see it finished as fast as I can. And haste is a bad counselor, as the saying goes here where I live.
While I tend to enjoy the longer drawn out stories (you can appreciate the decent and corruption more) a "quickie" like this is a nice change of pace. No rhyme or reason, just jumping straight in to the fun bits leaving an air of mystery around stuff.
ReplyDeleteThere's also the added bonus of potential future sequels if you so chose. All in all well worth it, I enjoyed the story!
Thank you Dustin.
DeleteI promise the next one will be longer, kinkier and better written.
This one was pretty good, and you still got to see the Mom slowly fall under the spell/into the corruption which was great.
DeleteI liked it, to use a musical analogy it was a punk rock version of a Tamara story, Fast and furious
ReplyDelete